Are Gen Zs Bad at Dating?

Some dating apps are for hookups, others are for those looking for a real connection. Messages take hours to warrant a response. Clear communication is seen as “overbearing.” Young adults are having less sex than those 10 years before them. With the combination of technology, ever-evolving dating norms, and being the most anxious generation to date, Gen Z is showing signs of a troubled relationship with the dating world. 

With tools at their disposal like apps such as Hinge and Tinder, one could assume that this generation has it easier than previous ones. However, this does not seem to be the case.

According to Hinge’s D.A.T.E. report, the app’s comprehensive report on Gen Z dating patterns,  90% of Hinge’s Gen Z daters say they are worried about finding love. Fear of rejection is cited as the main reason for this, with 44% of respondents saying they have little to no dating experience.

Francesco Ferrari, M.D., is an expert in child and adolescent psychiatry who believes the problem is rooted in the intersection of Gen Z’s upbringing and technology. “Smartphones make it so hard to interact with real life humans,” Ferrari explains.

Dr. Ferrari teaches a class at NYU College of Arts and Sciences called “Love Actually,” which discusses the implications of social media and technology in the romantic and sexual development of young adults. 

In regards to dating apps, Dr. Ferrari chalks the issue up to the paradox of choice. “You just keep swiping through and through,” Ferrari said. “Since there are so many choices, it’s hard to give one person a sustained connection and energy.”

Sohini Paul, a junior studying computer science at NYU, agrees. “On Hinge it’s only 10 swipes a day, and even that is so unrealistic,” Paul said. “Imagine meeting 10 people in one day that you could potentially be interested in.”

As a veteran of Hinge and Bumble, Paul believes the fast-paced and videogame-like aspect of dating apps makes for superficial connections. “There are nuances about meeting people in person that just can’t be replicated online,” she states.

Eloise Indrani, 20, mirrors Paul’s worries over the infinite choices provided by dating apps. “There is always the promise that there is someone better, someone more attractive, so you just continue to swipe,” she comments.

Similarly,  Ferrari shares the ways meeting through dating apps can undermine some essential components of getting to know a person. 

“There are things about being with someone in person, subconscious cues like the way they talk, their smell, the volume of their voice – things you wouldn’t get from texting someone, that can change the way you feel,” Ferrari explains.

As well as transforming the way people meet, dating apps have also helped perpetuate dating norms that prove difficult to navigate through. Gen Z-ers are opting to avoid clear communication in order to avoid seeming overbearing or “cringey,” according to Hinge’s D.A.T.E. report. 

“Growing up in the online culture, you don’t want to come off as a weirdo,” says Ethan Barrett, a 22 year old photographer living in the Lower East Side.

Barrett also recalls the macho culture he witnessed growing up online, and how it informs his view on the topic of dating anxieties. “There are so many videos about cringey dating stories and misogynistic male creators talking about the ‘right way to date’ on TikTok.” he remarks. “Young guys who are very impressionable can internalize that sort of content and become really insecure.”

Candice Jalili, journalist and author of “Just Send the Text: An Expert’s Guide to Letting Go of the Stress and Anxiety of Modern Dating,” chalks this up to not only dating apps, but social media as a whole. 

“Everybody is presenting this perfectly curated version of themselves, trying to reach the ideals of ‘coolness’ and beauty standards that are shoved down our throats,” Jalili said.

Jalili argues that the age-old question of message consistency is a similar reflection of the dating apps inherent superficiality. “The classic ‘he texted me after an hour so I’m going to wait for two to respond’ has been around long before dating apps, but I think they have made it much worse,” she says.

As dating apps continue to shape the landscape of modern relationships, the pressures and anxieties they perpetuate extend beyond mere text exchanges.

Men and women are having significantly less casual sex than young adults who came 10 years before them, according to a study by Rutgers University.

Cippara Abraham, 21 year-old from Boston, thinks it’s a fear of intimacy. “I think it’s very easy to see sex online and a lot of people find that easier than dating and looking for something casual,” she says.

Other Gen Z-ers have a different perspective on this metric.

Jake Edwards, 19 year-old currently studying at NYU Steinhardt, argues that it isn’t a comment on Gen Z's anxiety over closeness but instead a show of how times have changed. “It’s not necessarily a bad thing,” he explains. “There wasn’t the culture of consent there is now, and there’s also the decline of teen pregnancies in the US.”

Whatever it may be, it’s clear that Gen Z-ers are growing skeptical of virtual matchmaking. Currently, daters between the ages of 30 to 49 makeup over 60% of dating apps, with Gen Z-ers dropping steadily to make up only 26%, according to a Statista survey.

Dr. Ferrari is happy to see this shift. “People are seeing that being online isn’t the best option,” he said. “Whether it’s anxiety or a general disinterest in dating, younger people are feeling less pressure to find someone.”

Yet, despite the growing disillusionment with virtual dating, the transition to traditional forms of meeting potential partners presents its own set of challenges for Gen Z.

“Nobody is having sex, nobody is dating,” Indrani remarked. “If we were to congregate in public spaces like Washington Square Park more, there would be more chances to meet people, but everybody is so attached to their phone.”

Indrani’s friend, Nina Johnson, shares similar frustrations as a college-aged woman dating in New York. “I’ve honestly stopped trying to force anything,” she added. “I just want to meet someone organically, not on the apps, and just go off energy.”

As the potential for a resurgence of old-fashioned dating practice appears to be approaching, the challenge remains for Gen Z-ers to embrace this shift and discover the vulnerability of offline interactions.